"Forgive"

FORGIVENESS

INTRODUCTION

There is a story told of a man who went for a walk along a high coastal cliff early one foggy morning. As he was walking he got to close to edged and slipped off the cliff but fortunately falling a couple of hundred feet a shrub caught his fall and he grabbed hold of a branch before he fell to the rocks below.

Hanging thousands of feet above the unforgiving shoreline, he decided that a situation like this prayer was the best course of action. So he cried out, “Help! Help! Is anyone out there?”

Half not expecting to get a response, suddenly, a deep voice from the clouds replied, “Yes.”

Because of the fog the man could not make out who was responding to his cries for help, so the man replied, “Who is there?”

The voice replied “This is God.”

After a moment, the man asked, “Can you help me?”

“Yes,” God replied; “Let go of the branch about twenty feet below you is a ledge. From there you’ll be able to make your way down to safety.”

The man thought for a long moment, and then he called out, “Is there anyone else out there?”

How many times have we found ourselves in an overwhelming situation, and when you cried out for help you did not like the answer you found?

It’s amazing how when we find ourselves in difficult situations in life we are unwilling to let go of whatever we are holding onto that we think is keeping us from falling while refusing to believe that if we would just let go, we could experience true freedom.

*God created us for a purpose. The ultimate purpose that God created you for is to live for his praise and honor alone.

We could say it this Way: The only way for us to really fulfill the big purpose of giving him honor is to fulfill God’s individual purpose for our lives.

DO WHAT GOD CREATED YOU TO DO AND YOU WILL LIVE A LIFE THAT BRINGS HIM HONOR.

BARRIERS TO BECOMING THE PEOPLE GOD CREATED US TO BE

Husbands/wives

parents

Men and women

Many of these things hang on us the same way the branch hung on the man dangling off the side of the cliff.

TRANSITION

One of these things that we hang on to that keeps us from going forward in God’s greater purpose for our lives is something that all of us have dealt with and continue to deal with in one way or another. This “thing” has destroyed more relationships, homes, families, and defeated more Christians and stolen more futures than possibly anything else.

What is it?

A Lack of Forgiveness

The lack of forgiveness happens when we fail to see that the offense of un-forgiveness that we commit to those who have offended us becomes just as wrong as the offense itself that we fell has been committed against us.

The cloud that hangs over unforgiveness is the fact that we fail to see the number of people that it can affect, what it does to us, and the change it makes in our judgement, values, morals, and priorities. IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!

When we fail to forgive we begin to alienate those who are most important to us and to develop new relationships that we shouldn’t

When we refuse to forgive those we should, we are drawn to those we shouldn’t.

EXAMPLE:

It’s the same way when a teenager is angry with their parents so in turn finds a group of friends that agree with him or her. These people then in turn begin to adversely influence their lives. They begin to influence and change their values, morals, and way of thinking in a wrong direction.

Many of us are familiar with a spouse who will not forgive so they become, bitter, resentful, cold, affectionate, critical, and uninvolved. They attempt to prove that they are right by finding those who will agree with them and support them, often finding themselves in a relationship that becomes toxic and immoral creating a greater distance between the and their spouse.

Unforgiveness has a way of building walls

Walls between two loved ones and tearing down walls between the wrong kind of relationships.

THE BIBLE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS

Ephesians 4:32

English Standard Version Chapter 4

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

THIS IS NOT A SUGGESTION IT IS A COMMAND.

Be Kind

Be Tenderhearted

Be Forgiving

And what do we call this when we do not do what scripture tells us to do? WE CALL IT SIN! It is never ok or justified to live with unforgiveness.

TESTIMONY

My Journey failing to forgive my brother for what he took my family through over many years.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

So how do we deal with this matter of forgiveness?

I. Why do we need to understand forgiveness?

What will unforgiveness do?

A. Grow Bitterness ( - Poison)

Ephesians 4:31

English Standard Version Chapter 4

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Hebrews 12:15

English Standard Version Chapter 12

15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

B. Develop Resentment

“Bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly/animosity

WE SAY THINGS LIKE:

“I Can’t forget; I have a hard time even looking at them. The feeling of what happened to me are re-played over and over in my heart and mind.”

Many people believe that they can forgive someone but retain their resentment and bitterness. The truth is that resentment and bitterness is the very fruit of unfogiveness. They are not mutually separate “emotions or feelings.” These feelings and emotions still continue to control us many times after we have said we “forgive” the offender.

Forgiveness and Bitterness are Fruits while Unforgiveness is the Root.

C. Creates Bondage

We are in a self created bondage. We think we are hurting the other person by withholding our forgiveness. When we hold the other person responsible for our hurts and failures we are binding ourselves. It is not the offender that is placed in bondage because of our unforgiveness.

UNFORGIVENSS:

Is the act of making the offence more important than the person who committed the offence or others that are affected by the incident.

THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS:

Enables us to be who we were created to be in spite of what has happened to us.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I think it’s easy many times to feel like we are the only ones experiencing this kind of hurt and pain. But you are not that special. We must get over ourselves. Everyone experience hurt! So what do we do with the hurt and pain we are experiencing.

Failure to forgive is a disgrace to our Heavenly Father!

Failure to forgive emboldens Satan and His agenda. “The thief comes to steal kill and destroy.”

II. What is forgiveness

A. IT IS NOT:

1. Forgetting - Forgive and Forget is not true forgiveness

2. Assigning Blame - Finger pointing is what you do on the playground as kids.

3. Letting someone off the hook because of what they have done.

4. No longerIfeeling - Burying our feelings of the hurt and pain will not allow the healing process to take full effect.

5. Simply moving on - Out of sight out of mind.

6. Pretending everything is ok.

7. Placing yourself in danger again.

B. It is:

Forgiveness is being able to be in the middle of the suffering for what someone has done to you and being able to say:

Luke 23:34

English Standard Version Chapter 23

34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

It is: releasing the unforgiven and moving towards your intended future.

Fulfilling God’s greater purpose for your life which is? Live for His praise and Honor alone.

III. How do I Forgive

A. Decide to Forgive

Testimony:

Turning point for me was when I experienced the forgiveness from my wife over my past infidelity as a husband.

We say: “I’m not going to forgive them after what they have done to me!”

Others Say: “Will you please forgive me?”

Even the language we use when dealing with Forgiveness matters.

* We do not forgive because they do not deserve to be forgiven.

We find justified in feeling this way because of what has been done to us. What about Jesus who said “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” Even Jesus offered forgiveness to his executioners.

*If the other person seeks forgiveness we will not offer room for this to take place.

Maybe we do not feel that they are sincere, or we feel that there is never anything they can do to make up for the hurt and pain they have inflicted on you and your life.

*We must decide to do the right thing in spite of our feelings.

Romans 6:13

English Standard Version Chapter 6

13 Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.

“God judges the thoughts and intentions of your heart.”

B. Put things into proper perspective

1. Our Example is Christ

There is Arrogance in unforgiveness: Showing our own worth and importance or superiority.

Arrogance: Showing our own worth and importance or superiority.

We have so offended God and he is quick to forgive those who come to him in faith and confess their sins.

1 John 1:9

English Standard Version Chapter 1

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

What is Salvation?

Salvation is Forgiveness of those who don’t deserve it by a God not obligated to provide it!

GRACE: The undeserved, unmerited favor of God.

We did not come into this Christian life because we were that impressive. You got in because God is rich in his mercy to those who are not very impressive.

2. Consider why they did it.

There is no justification for hurting someone else.

unfortunately we see ourselves at the center of our universe so long that we cannot even begin to consider why the person we are so angry with did what they did, we may be surprised at what we discover.

ILLUSTRATION:

“The woman caught in Adultery.”

Everyone is hurting

Everyone has a past

Everyone, to one degree or another is insecure

Everyone is a sinner that needs a savior

3. See them the way God sees them

Philippians 2:3

English Standard Version Chapter 2

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

English Standard Version Chapter 2

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

C. ACT

1. Pray

1

English Standard Version Psalm 116

116 I love the LORD, because he has heard

my voice and my pleas for mercy.

2. Repent

English Standard Version Psalm 139

23  Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

A vague, bad feeling that you are a crummy person is not the same as conviction for sin. Feeling rotten is not the same as repentance.

Nothing changed until I began to get specific about my sins. Crummy feelings can be useful if they lead to conviction for specific sins. But vague feelings of being a bad person are not usually very helpful.

The fog of unworthiness needs to take shape into clear dark pillars of disobedience. Then you can point to them and repent and ask for forgiveness and take aim with your gospel bazooka to blow them up.

I’m broken, and I’m angry at my sin. I want to kill it, not me. I’m not suicidal. I’m a sin-hater and a sin-murderer. (“Put to death what is earthly in you,”

; “Put to death the deeds of the body,” .) I want to live. That’s why I’m a killer — of my sin!

We cannot go to God and expect answers to prayer if we harbor unforgiveness, bitterness, or resentment. God knows the thoughts and intentions of our hearts. () We cannot say a three-word trite prayer when in the deepest recesses of our soul we haven’t prayed God’s favorite three word prayer: “Change Me, Lord.”

(Stormie Omartian “Power of a praying Wife)

3. Trust

Romans 8:28

English Standard Version Chapter 8

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

English Standard Version Chapter 4

13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

4. Focus on your Relationship with the Lord

English Standard Version Chapter 4

6 Then he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts.

This is a very real battle. Our struggle is not against flesh and blood. We need to call it what it is.

5. Learn from the Experience

English Standard Version Chapter 1

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

What are the results of Forgiveness?

1. Release - for you from bitterness, resentment, etc. FREEDOM

2. Reconciliation - with the other person. This is always the end goal. Remember many times this is lengthy process.

3. Renewal - in your own soul and in the soul of the other person. (the Lords prayer is the example) “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”

*Forgiveness is not something that is offered once and then forgotten.

Many times it needs to be offered again and again. How many times did Jesus say we are to forgive? 70X7

English Standard Version Chapter 6

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

But there is victory to the one who will trust God and obey His Word!

English Standard Version Chapter 15

57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

FORGIVEN PEOPLE FORGIVE!